CAN I TALK MY SHIT AGAIN? CAN I TALK MY SHIT AGAIN?!?!
What's good? Worldfigure is back at you live and direct, Gang. I hope this correspondence reaches everyone in good health and spirits. Please accept my apologies for the long layoff... Hey, life is constantly happening, right?
The other day on Facebook I posted a status message about the ladies I've kissed, now this morning I am sitting here thinking about my various escapades and just what have I learned; Is there anything in my 35 years that I have learned and retained that I can pass-on? The answer is yes...
I'll tell you one thing: There are no thighs that look as good as the ones that are about to walk out your front door and never come back. This is doubly true if she's a good woman because you'll learn real quick how tough it is to find another.
Men cannot live on chicks alone, even though they'd like to. As much as you want to chase tail forever, if you find a good woman, consider the fact that they don't come along often. Having a woman that you can trust is invaluable, especially after the world has boxed your ears for a few decades. Rest assured that I ain't no saint, but I try to keep priorities straight at home.
You'll never have a shortage of problems in life, so I say forget about dating women stuck on the "crazy" setting. A friend of mine got stabbed in the leg with a fork by his goomah. Need I say more? Those chicks are nighttime fun, sure, but they are erratic and costly, and they distract you from business. Besides, I'm not sure adulthood is meant to be fun. Your 20s were meant to be fun. After that, the real world expects responsibility, and a good woman can help you find success. I'll tell you what: In your 40s, the most fun in life comes after you've worked hard at something and can celebrate a victory, such as attaining your second masters or being published for the first time while finishing your PhD.
So what is a good woman? I know what you're thinking: a deaf-mute Pamela Anderson. But jokes aside, here are some things to look for and a few to avoid.
GOOD QUALITES
Loyal
The same rule that applies to close friend and family can apply to your wife or girlfriend. Loyalty is a virtue, especially when it comes to pillow talk at bedtime. Secrets get shared in every relationship. If she's nosy, that's a problem, but over the course of time -- unless you're sleeping with a real deadbolt -- she'll figure certain things out, and she of all people had better not be a rat.
Supportive
One thing that's very important is how she represents you when you're apart. If she goes out with the girls and drags you down endlessly, that's disaffection, brother. If she has a low opinion of you, it needs to be confined and then unwound. In the same way, you shouldn't be dragging her name through the mud. If there's a problem, fix it at home or tackle the issue constructively, but you don't need her plaguing your reputation when plenty of idiots are willing to do it already. If she's got to criticize you, it's better to have it done to your face.
There's no way you'll get anywhere in life if you have some chick nagging at you…
Patient
If she nags you, this is a serious, deadly problem. Like the black mold that grows in bathrooms, it's best to recognize this early. I'm certain that nagging shortens a man's lifespan more than smoking does. And guys, if you want to make a splash in this world, you can't be browbeaten into going to the ballet instead of playing poker. Have you ever heard a story about a gangster in the 1930s saying, "Yes dear, okay, fine, I'll stop bootlegging"?
Sensible
As much as we like chicks to be dumb, wives shouldn't be. You have a doormat on your stoop, but you shouldn't file taxes with one. If you have a dumb woman, then you might end up with dumb kids, especially if you expect her to raise them while you're out working. Now, keep in mind that I say "smart," as in common sense, but you don't want some pinko with a Ph.D. in penis envy. John Gotti's wife, Victoria, raised his kids and stayed married to him through all of his court cases -- and she was a high-school dropout.
Calm
Your confidence in your career will wax and wane with successes and failures. Taking risks means working toward success, and if you have a woman that supports you, it's like leaving the house wearing a newly pressed shirt. A woman who believes in your dreams will make reaching your goals that much better because she helped you get there. If Dillinger's marriage hadn't fallen apart, maybe he'd have become an American Family Insurance salesman instead of America's Most Wanted. A nice sweetheart can talk sense into you when you're angry with such simple lines as, "You look nice, baby, but please don't rob that Wells Fargo."
BAD QUALITIES
Party girl
We all love these types of girls -- but to settle down with? Forget about it. If problems with drugs or alcohol are even remote questions, answer them by giving her a beer for the road and saying, "Hit the bricks, honey." This will be a real issue if you have kids, and simply put, it's unacceptable. This is not to suggest that a prude or a teetotaler is best, because it's nice to have some fun with your woman. But if she's tipping her glass by noon and it ain't Sunday Communion, she's got a problem, and therefore, so do you. "In vino veritas" means "there is truth in wine," and in my life, that leads to another saying: "Loose lips sink ships."
It ain't all in the gazongas, boys…
Stacked
I like stacks of money as much as I like stacked ladies. However, the bust ain't as essential as honesty -- not in the long haul. When you're young, it's hard to think beyond a woman's body, but at some point after the honeymoon, you'll be thinking more about spaghetti carbonara than Kama Sutra. After a 10-hour workday, her calzone may be more attractive than her body. And be careful about having dessert elsewhere because plenty of cats, like Andre Rison and Al Green, have betrayed their wives and been burned by the hellfire of a woman scorned (No pun intended). A friend of mine, a real sage, said: "It don't matter where you get your appetite, as long as you eat at home." ...Serious food for thought.
Behind every great man…
In the end, a good woman is someone that you respect and like to have dinner with. If she's not fun to eat with, then you have a lot of silent meals ahead of you. Silence is no good, especially in an Black household. Remember: For it to last, she's got to interest you for 50 years, so take one more bite of that curry lamb before you throw it away.
I DON'T LIKE PUTTING HALF-ASS SHIT OUT THERE, SO IT TOOK ME SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT THIS NEXT LIST. MY GIRL, SHEENA SHOT ME AN EMAIL AND ASKED ME TO GIVE THE LADIES THEIR SHINE AND PUT A 10 FEMALE MC LIST OUT THERE. NOW THIS LIST IS GOING TO RAISE SOME EYEBROWS BECAUSE I HOLD CHICKS TO THE SAME STANDARDS AS THE DUDES -- I MEAN, LADIES ROCK THE MIC TOO! KEEP AN OPEN MIND AND ENJOY!!
..
MC LYTE (I'VE SEEN HER IN CONCERT MANY TIMES. SEE ROCKED SUPREMELY ONCE AT MORGAN STATE'S HOMECOMING -- FREESTYLE, CHUMPS … FREESTYLE. SHE HAD THE RARE ABILITY TO DROP COMMERCIAL SH^T AND, AT THE SAME TIME, MAINTAIN HER STREET CRED. CAN SOMEONE SAY BIGGIE, JAY-Z, AND TUPAC? YEA, SHE'S ON THAT LEVEL!)
L-BOOGIE a.k.a LAURYN HILL (ANYONE WHO PUTS KIM, FOXY, TRINA, OR ANYONE LIKE THAT ABOVE LAURYN IS A DAMN FOOL! L-BOOGIE WAS/IS AN MC IN IT'S PUREST SENSE. L-BOOGIE (LIKE BIGGIE) WAS ABLE TO PICK UP A MIC WITHOUT ANY PREPARATION AND RIP THE SH^T. SHE WAS, BY FAR, THE BEST MC IN HER GROUP (THE FUGEES) AND OTHER THAN LYTE, SALT (YEA, I'LL GET TO THAT LATER), AND RAH DIGGAH, I DON'T THINK THERE'S ANYONE OUT THERE THAT , AT HER BEST, WOULD BE ABLE TO PICK UP A MIC AND GO LINE FOR LINE WITH L-BOOGIE. DON'T BELIEVE ME, EH? LISTEN TO THE ENTIRE BLUNTED ON REALITY ALBUM. LISTEN TO HOW MANY MICS AND COWBOYS OFF OF THE SCORE ALBUM, LISTEN TO THE FINAL HOUR OFF OF THE MISEDUCATION OF LAURYN HILL AND THEN GET BACK TO ME)
QUEEN BEE A.K.A LIL' KIM (I'M NOT THAT BIG A FAN OF KIM, CADETS BUT THE SONG DRUGS OFF OF THE HARDCORE TOTALLY CHANGED MY PARADIGM OF WHAT A FEMALE MC SHOULD BE. KIM TOOK THE TORCH AND RAISED THE BAR. I REALLY HOPE YOU GUYS LISTEN TO THE SH^T I'M TELLING YOU TO … I DROP JEWELS, CADETS … I DROP JEWELS.)
ROXANNE SHANTE (YOU GOT TO LOVE THIS PICK BECAUSE WAS ONE OF THE FIRST FEMALES TO DO IT AND REALLY BE GOOD AT IT. SH^T SHE WAS PART OF THE FIRST FEMALE MC BEEF/BATTLE! (ref. ROXANNE SHANTE vs. THE REAL ROXANNE) SHE'S ACTUALLY A DOCTOR NOW (PSYCHOLOGIST), BUT SHE HAD A NICE TECHNIQUE WHEN SHE WAS ROCKING THE MIKE.
RAH DIGGAH (THE NICEST FEMALE MC NEVER TO GO PLATINUM. NOW THIS PRETTY YOUNG LADY IS A FREESTYLE FANATIC! AND WHEN YOU PULL OUT YOUR FUGEES CD AND LISTEN TO COWBOYS -- THAT OTHER FEMALE WHO SOUNDS JUST LIKE L-BOOGIE IS RAH DIGGAH!)
FOXY BROWN (NOW I DON'T LIKE FOX BOOGIE AT ALL, BUT SHE HAS SOME TALENT AND SHE'S DROPPED MANY JEWELS ON US OVER THE YEARS. I JUST HATE IT THAT HER FLOW NEVER CHANGES, OR HER LOOK FOR THAT MATTER)
QUEEN LATIFAH (SHE'S ALWAYS BEEN AN OUTSTANDING MC, AND ANYONE OVER THE AGE OF 31 KNOWS IT! I SPOKE OF MC LYTE IN THE BEGINNING OF THE LIST, REMEMBER. WELL, IT WAS MC LYTE AND QUEEN ON THE MIC GOING BACK AND FORTH FREESTYLIN' FOR ABOUT 12-13 MINUTES AT THAT SHOW! SH^T WAS CRAZY, MY FRIENDS … BANANAS!)
SALT OF SALT-N-PEPA (THESE WOMEN WERE BOTH GREAT MC'S BUT SALT HAD A BETTER FREESTYLE, AND YOU KNOW HOW BIG I AM ON THE FREESTYLE TIP)
MIA X OF THE NO LIMIT CREW (IF IT WASN'T FOR HER COUNTRY TWANG YOU'D SWEAR SHE'S FROM CROWN HEIGHTS OR YONKERS GIVEN THE WAY SHE FLOWS. I DON'T THINK MOMMA MIA GOT ENOUGH SHINE DURING HER TENURE AT THE TOP OF THE SOUTH'S RAP GAME. SHE WAS VERY LYRICAL AND WITTY ABOUT HERS. I STILL LISTEN TO HER SH^T ON OCCASION.)
YO-YO (YOLANDA SHOULD BE HIGHER BUT THE LONGEVITY ISSUE IS STICKING OUT LIKE A SORE THUMB. IF YOU THINK HARD ABOUT IT YO-YO WAS THE FIRST FEMALE GANGSTA MC … SHE WAS A FOX TOO!)
Kristien Patric answers your e-mail
Editor's note: This reader's e-mail has not been edited and is presented as is.
I read your articles with enthusiasm. I come from Finland, where the streets are a bit different than in the U.S., but I still find your hints educating. After all, it's all about how we, the readers, use the info you give us. If we can't find the best way in our lives to apply your teachings, we'll forever be bozos. Anyways, in my life -- I'm 23 at the moment -- I've met people who wink at me. These guys have always tried to deceive me. I know they don't have an eye infection, it's something else they're trying to tell me. So every time when people do that, I become more alert. What do you think of this? Am I totally misguided, or have I really learned something from life?
Elias
Elias,
You got guys winking at you? Did you say Finland or the Castro District in San Francisco? You may want to move over one street on your walks and the winks may go away. However, I think I know what you're asking. Most streets all over the world operate on the same basic rules. There are a few different reasons a guy will wink at you. In the U.S., sometimes a guy will wink when he tells a joke and he wants you to make sure that you know it's a joke. Sometimes, the joke is stupid and he's a cafone, but he's just saying, "Hey, I think I'm a funny guy." Other times, if two guys are in the know and a third is not, the two will wink without the third seeing it. It's useful in running a bait-and-switch or a pigeon drop, but I won't go into that.
If you see a wink, don't lose your mind and get all nervous; you'll stick out like a sore thumb if you're paranoid. A wink is generally not some underground sign; it's just human body language. If it's a joke that you don't get, ignore it and walk on. I don't know about Finland, so maybe a wink is a cultural thing, like maybe these guys want you to go dogsledding with them or something. Good luck, kid.
Be Peace,
Kristien Patric
Posted by InTheMixWithTre'
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