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Sex & Candy 2.0

Women can be very confusing. Let me step back, women can be very confusing to me. Several of my homies and I were discussing the issues around dating different types of women in college and we came to the conclusion that the eligible candidates were very limited. My female friend and I talked about this as well and she expressed a similar sentiment; explaining to me that she had trouble finding suitors in college for her affections. Where is the disconnect here? How are so many looking for people who fit certain criteria when those who should fit their stated criteria live in plain sight? It’s simple: both sides have problematic standards. Now before I get into it, I will say that I know that I may be among the population of guys with crazy standards but for the sake of the argument I’m stepping outside myself and trying to be a impartial as possible. Here we go… As dudes we’re looking for a complicated set of things. When I say dudes I mean Black guys because though race is a social construct, it has cultural ramifications, so pretending that these tastes will be culturally uniform is just stupid. Those of us who aren’t just savagely slaying every girl who’s down to get it poppin’ are looking for good girls. The only problem is we want them to be unrealistically good. We want girls who might drink but not too much. We want girls who look good but don’t dress provocatively and we want them to ignore all the attentions that come from other males. We want girls who are down for Black people but open to the idea of focusing on personal profit (just in case our tastes are adjusted by some baller summer internship). We want girls who love us, only us and don’t even know other guys exist. Moreover, we want girls who haven’t been getting with many guys in college and who haven’t been corrupted by dealing with some dusty ass dude or sketchy individual. These criteria aren’t particularly unfair but the problem is that most of us don’t fit those criteria ourselves. Many of us have had a bad night drinking or have messed with some girl that we shouldn’t have. Many of us don’t stay on point with our line-ups or keep our kicks clean. We’re looking for sexy, conservative virgins (or close to virgins) who only have eyes for us and keep their shit on point all day every day. If we’re honest with ourselves we’ll realize that compromise is necessary. Here’s the kick though; we don’t want to compromise and feel like we shouldn’t have to. It’s the same thing for women. Many women want to fix guys. They want dudes who used to be hoes (safe, disease free hoes) but were miraculously saved by their love. They want guys who’re 6′4 and 250 pounds of semi-professional athletic muscle with prominent jawlines and pearly white smiles (even though these same women haven’t been to a gym in years and usually ain’t that fine). Many Black women want guys who fit into one of two (what I like to call) “silly nigga categories”. The first is what I call the hard roq. He’s got tattoos, wears white tees and has a “questionable” past. He carries himself like a tough guy and usually rolls with a crew of equally fraudulent negros with fitted caps and bandannas. This dude used to be an athlete but since he messed up and got kicked off the team for some idiot offense (smokin weed in the locker room or some equally dumb shit) what he’s got now is a whole bunch of muscles, gold teeth and zero job prospects or deep thoughts. The reason he’s a hard “roq” and not a hardrock (a legitimate street dude who is actually involved in criminal activity) is because he’s fake. Black women don’t want dudes who are actually hard, they want guys who dress like extras from a bad music video and just look hard (well, in the mirror anyway). Real tough guys aren’t usually clean, enjoyable people with whom a successful Black woman can form a relationship, I’ve known many of these dudes and they usually don’t look like they do on TV. The other “silly nigga” subcategory is the pretty boy. The pretty boy is so fresh that he makes his woman look bad. He regularly applies and reapplies his chap stick (read: lip gloss) in order to “maintain his sexy”. He may have long hair and some effeminate piercings and most likely wears colored contacts lenses even though his vision is 20/20. His comprehension of fashion is laughably profound and he usually tells his girl what to wear and may go shopping more than she does. For some strange reason, Black women are attracted to these foolish individuals and then wonder where the concept of the down low brother comes from. Don’t think I’m gonna pretend that only guys fall into the “silly nigga” categories because they are, in fact, unisex. The two (trust me, there are more than two) that I’ll look at in this post are the “fine chicken head” and the “uppity broad”. The “fine chicken head” is exactly what she sounds like. For those who don’t know what a chicken head is I’ll give a simple definition of what I mean. A chicken head is a hoe. Not a garden tool or an actual prostitute but a girl who too easily allows young men to take advantage of her sexual faculties. She will probably give you chlamydia (I think that’s how you spell it) but there is one problem: she’s fine as fuck. She’s fine and she knows she’s fine and , more importantly, she knows that you know she’s fine. She is everything your mama warned you (or should have warned you) about when she mentioned those “fast girls”. She’s the type of girl who will holler at your best friend while you’re in the bathroom or call you the wrong name while y’all are…well you get the idea. The other “silly nigga” category for women is the “uppity broad”. This is the girl who will not date you unless you have a certain bank balance and wear boat shoes. Your family name had better come from some lineage of light skinned, reasonably rich negroes or else she will not give you the time of day. She’s the type who is so concerned about how she looks on the social scale that she’ll spend money on 700$ jeans and not be able to buy dinner. She’s constantly climbing the social ladder and as soon as she finds someone with a more prestigious lineage, she’s gonna dip out on you. The problem is that this chick is fine as fuck too. She keeps her appearance tight (in a different way than the “fine chicken head”) but she doesn’t advertise the goods, making her even finer because you figure she won’t embarrass you. You can take her home to mama but if mama doesn’t live up to her standards then she’s out like a thief in the night. Both of these categories are troubling (just as troubling as the other “silly nigga” categories) and none of them provide sensible mating choices. The interesting thing is that the friends that I was talking about having these conversations with were looking for similar things; someone cool, down to earth, funny and reasonably attractive. Now this is partially because I hang out with some real cool people and partially because the “silly niggas” and the people that they attract are not quite the crowd I spend my time with. These cool people though, suffer from similarly unreasonable standards but here the standards are based on self perception issues. Now look, beauty is in the eye of the beholder but let’s be serious. If you LOOK like you’re 8 months pregnant and AREN’T having a baby you need to be reasonable about your standards. If you’re ashy as hell or have no game, you aren’t going pick up a dime. The solution is finding chill people and thinking less about looks. Ironically, the girls that I’ve dated with whom I had the best chemistry weren’t girls who I was overwhelmingly initially attracted to. These girls just ended up being “sleepers”; girls who I hadn’t really noticed at first but who I discovered cleaned up incredibly well. Women can follow the same tactic; find someone you get along with who is cool and maybe you’ll find that with a suit and a haircut that cat looks like denzel in ‘93 or something. I’m far from perfect and I’m sure my analysis is biased but I’m just offering an idea of how we might be able to improve the relationship situation for single folk. Many of my friends have been single for extended periods of time and I offer this post to try and help ‘em avoid dangerously stupid “silly niggas” (and the women that love them). Oh yeah and shoutout to the lil’ mama that holds me down and helps me avoid the difficulties of being single (you didn’t think I’d forget did you?) "World Figure" Posted by InTheMixWithTre